The Seediest Hostel in Lima

We´ve had mostly good luck with finding good hostels in Peru. After about a week of dorm living, we decided we´re too old for it (sharing a room with seven other people, getting woken up when they drag their drunk asses into the bunk bed above you, smelling everyone´s breath and stinky socks) and since then have been getting private rooms. It´s only $5-$10 more and worth it. Paying $20 for 2 people for a night isn´t bad. Except when you go to the Hostal de Las Arcas in Lima.
Renee´s travel book, The Rough Guide to Peru recommended it. It was described as a ¨gay friendly¨hostel with beautiful tiling, common areas, and breakfast included. Apparently though, ¨gay friendly¨means sex friendly and seedy as hell. We got into Lima after the sun went down, so we took a taxi to this hostel and decided we´d just take it for one night and if it was bad we´d switch the next day. We knew it could be bad when it was next to a lot of compounded cars. But the police station was right there, so maybe it was safe? We went in and two little girls were playing at the desk. We asked if they had a room available and they said no and giggled. One of them went and got the 20 year-old guy with a front tooth missing and an earnest, crooked smile who worked there. He said they did have a room, and took us to see it. The house was cool. Really high ceilings, mustard yellow accents, giant doors, and beautiful tiling with green, blue and yellow flowers. Then there were other, less cool things: a stuffed vulture hanging from the ceiling in the reception, dark crooked staircases, sectional sofas draped in leopard blankets, a broken stained glass skylight with feather-strewn wire under it, suspiciously filthy walls, a mounted bull head lurking in the corner just as you emerged from the stairway...
No one else was staying there. The doors to the rooms hung wide open, and we could see the beds with their acrylic fleece blankets with smiling pastel flowers all over them. Creepy. The first room we saw was ok, but then I noticed that the shower was missing it´s hot water knob. The next room had both knobs, but after reception guy left we checked the sheets, and someone had had sex all over them. We had committed to the place, so we just got the sheets changed. We went to reception and signed in, noting that no one had stayed there for over a week, and the last people to stay were a couple of Germans who were in the same room as us. We went out, walked past the dusty homocide scene vehicle parked outside, and bought some water and popcorn. The streets reeked of human piss. The hostel across the street had a sign advertising that they rented rooms by the hour. We decided not to stay out. We went back to the room and put on pajamas that covered our entire bodies, plus hoods and socks, and gingerly climbed into bed. Then we noticed the beeping of three or four different smoke alarms with dying batteries and the horror movie buzz of the flourescent lights. This went on all night. Luckily we were tired and had earplugs.
The next morning we got up and went out for breakfast (no, it wasn´t included) and went into the historical center of Lima. We found a really nice hostel and checked in there that afternoon.